Author: Yelly

Taking each day one smile at a time!
Yelly Writes

Time and presence

Yelly

“It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.” – John Sinor

One of my favourite memories of my Abba was when we went on a “date” to SM Cubao when I was six years old. We went there so that he could buy me “big girl shoes”. They were basically shoes without straps and buckles. I think, in hindsight, that started my lifelong love affair with ballet flats — but that’s another story! It was a wonderful day. We got my shoes, my Abba taught me how to fit shoes (and to insist on it) so I could buy the right sized ones, we went to Shakey’s to get pizza, rootbeer and a milkshake (making sure to wash everything down with room temperature water so I wouldn’t get tonsilitis).

I am thankful I have memories of dates with my father. Even when I miss him terribly when I recall them, I am thankful for all the memories. It’s not that he bought me things (although I remember loving those shoes!), it was that we spent time together, that he made time for just us. I know both my siblings have solo date memories with our beloved Abbadabbadoo that they hold dear. The gift of time and presence is so precious. I am so very blessed that our Abba gave us that.

I know not everyone celebrates Father’s Day, for a multitude of reasons. But, if you are able to do so, if that is the kind of relationship you have with your father, hug him especially tight today. You don’t know how much time you have left with him to store up those memories.

Father's Day
Yelly Writes

The True Love Test

Yelly

So I watched The Life List on Netflix again, and, of course, I bawled like a baby! I promise no spoilers, especially if you haven’t seen it. It’s the kind of girly romance movie that presents an idealized, pre-packaged view of love and romantic relationships. I’m not a cynic, not by a long shot (I’ve read too many Julia Quinn novels several times over to be jaded), to be cynical about love, even after the implosion of a relationship that I thought would last forever. I do sometimes smirk at the sugar coma sweetness of the Hallmark Channel formula movies. But the “true love test” in the movie had me thinking. In the film, it said that if you could answer yes to each of the 4 questions below, it was TRUE LOVE. 

1  Are they kind?

2 Can you tell them everything that’s in your heart?

3 Do they help you become the best version of yourself? 

4 Can you imagine them as the father/mother of your children? 

The questions make me smile. Because I can hear myself saying to someone at 25, “Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a decision.” and seeing their look of confusion (in hindsight, that should’ve been a red flag, but I ignored it) and me patiently explaining what I meant.

Love is a decision. It’s a commitment. Because you decide, for better or for worse (whether it involves the permanency of marriage or not), to love this person, in the good and bad days, when tempers flare and patience wanes, when the sickness is disgusting, when the ick is hard to shift and when disagreements happen. It’s a commitment to stay and work things out, even when things get tough, damnedly uncomfortable and when they don’t particularly look rosy. It’s a promise to stay. It’s a vow to work on improving, changing for the better, and growing together. It’s saying “I got you” to this person and really having them, making sure they know you have them. It’s a pledge to stay accountable to this person. It is an unwritten but very binding contract to work through the warts, farts and smarts that come with adult relationships.

Being loved is an intrinsic need because it encapsulates affection, respect, acceptance, protection, and accountability. Every person has a deep-seated need for it, whether they care to admit it. Love isn’t easy but if you have it, wouldn’t you want to hold on to it, nurture it and cultivate it?

@yellywelly

Yelly Writes

Protecting my sense of contentment

Yelly

I know our relationships are meant to be safe spaces where we should be allowed to say anything we want, how we want to say things, when we want to say things. And for the most part, it’s true. Our relationships should offer us a place where we are able to express ourselves, where we can whinge and be brutally honest about how we feel.

I love a good whinge! It’s nice to be able to complain about something to someone and hear the agreement or the quiet chuckle because they get how we feel about something, someone, the state of the world and the lack of common sense in most things in general. There is a sense of validation in knowing that you’re not alone in feeling the way you do.

I am finding, lately, the constant whinge in some friendship circles to be fairly tiresome. I find myself rolling my eyes at yet again another statement about the stupidity of things or people, or gritting my teeth at a negative slant in expressing an opinion about something. I’m not surprised though, because life in general has been difficult and with the general state of things everywhere, it can be difficult to make like the Monty Python boys and look at the bright side of life. I get that completely. It’s just that sometimes, I wonder, is it really THAT bad ALL the time?

I also get that most people aren’t aware of the negativity in how they structure their statements (both written and verbal) and in their communication style. I understand that is a “them” issue and not a me issue. It is a them outlook problem and not a me outlook problem. I have, hopefully, in the past expressed the desire to look at the positive angle in things, hopefully repeatedly, and whether or not that is noticed or acknowledged is again a “them” issue.

I have always tried to be balanced in terms of my view in life – there is a positive and there is a negative. Life can be difficult and unfair sometimes, but I have always had the desire to look on the flipside. Because, while life is difficult, there are small pockets of joy. These moments of light allow us to appreciate what we have and not what is missing. When we focus on what we have, and not what’s missing, then we feel contentment.

Lately, despite adversity, I’ve found contentment to be the best way forward. It’s not denying how bad things are, it’s just appreciating that despite the bad things that have happened, there is still a lot of good.

I have promised myself to protect this sense of contentment – to the extent of allowing myself to cull certain elements of conversation, limit reactions and interactions in certain relationships. I get that these are just speaking out, and letting off steam. I get that. In the same vein, I do not want to be exposed to negativity. In the same way that these people are letting off steam so that they protect their equilibrium, I am also limiting my exposure to the noxious fumes of negativity that endanger my own equilibrium. We all have to do what we can to survive this jungle!

Yelly Writes

Mean girl

Yelly

I am a horrible, horrible person. 

I am still feeling so unsettled about a fleeting interaction I had with a random stranger.  On Sunday, I got woken up at 7:23am by a person barking at me on the phone. It was an Amazon delivery person and they were complaining that my door panel wasn’t working, that it was crap. I got up, and asked if he was at the door of my building – I gave him my building name — “Of course!” he barked again. I gave him instructions on how to use the number panel while I walked to my door phone and waited. No ring. I asked if he could try again to press my flat number and then the call button. Again he barked, “It’s crap! Broken!” So I said I’d come down. In lightning speed, I got decent, wiped the sleep from my eyes, scraped my hair into an awkward ponytail, and reminded myself to wake up and that I shouldn’t trip on the stairs. 

I walked down as quickly and as carefully as my sleepy brain could manage and congratulated myself for getting to my building’s front door without any mishaps. But there was no one at the front door. No angry Amazon delivery driver. In a moment of clarity, I realised the man was probably at the wrong building, it was either that or I was going to be mugged and killed before 8am on a sunny Sunday morning in a quiet area of North London! I was outside my building! Alone! 

Then I saw him rushing. Sorry! Sorry! he shouted. I said I asked you if you were at the right building and pointed at the signage. He barked my flat number and I said yes and he all but shoved my packages at me. Fine, I said and I turned and walked away without looking at the Amazon guy. As soon as I got into the building I double-checked that the packages were indeed mine and I went back up to my flat. 

I feel bad though. I could’ve handled that interaction better. Instead of acting like a petulant, self-entitled person, I could’ve handled that with more grace. Instead, I allowed myself to feed off the stress the man was obviously already feeling. I’m sure he had several deliveries to make and a limited time to complete the deliveries.

Choose positivity, I always say. If you have nothing nice to say, stay silent I usually say. Kindness is as kindness does, I always preach. Was I kind that morning?  No, I wasn’t. 

And that still weighs heavily on me. 

Yelly Writes

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should…

Yelly

Reading between the lines is a lost art form these days, and to be able to read between the lines you need to hear what isn’t being said. I feel that you can’t hear what’s being said if you’re only listening to find out how to position your response for maximum impact. 

It makes me wonder, if you’re listening to react, is that a trauma response? 

I’ve always been told to think before you speak. To count to 10 before you say something. I know first-hand that expressing opinions or saying the first thing that comes out of your mouth is a slippery slope and once you say the words, you can’t take it back. You can try a retraction, but it never actually really works. It’s like trying to recall an email – it never properly works, especially if the email you’re trying to recall was sent to someone outside your next work. I’ve been guilty of running off at the mouth and I guess this is why it is a pet peeve. Because, don’t they say that what you dislike about yourself, you see in others more microscopically?

Also, just because you have something to say doesn’t mean you have to say it.

Yelly Writes

I NOW know you couldn’t

Yelly

An open letter…to someone who probably won’t ever have the opportunity, or, if I’m honest, the desire, to read anything I write. But I just to say this.

Dear You,

Whatever I expected of you, I expected because I did give you what I could and probably more than I should’ve. Because I hoped that what I gave w0uld be returned, not like a transaction but because it was how relationships should be – there is give and there is take, there is push and there is pull, and we fill the gaps because we’re a team and we help each other. We’re weak when the other is strong.

What I didn’t take into consideration was that it probably wasn’t what you were capable of or willing to give. And that’s okay. What you put me through, I’m taking as a learning experience. And boy, have I learned.

Once, a long time ago, I read the passage below from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I fully believed that you would be the one who loved me enough to be my person this way. Imagine how much my heart broke when I was going through a difficult time and I asked you to be with me and you said you didn’t want to. I learned a lot that day. What I refused to consider at the time was that you didn’t have it in you to provide the support I needed. I know that now. And belatedly, I realise that I probably knew it then. They say hindsight is 20/20. And it is.

I hope you are well. I hope you are whole. I hope you are happy.

I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.
― Elizabeth Gilbert

Yelly Snaps

Sunrising

Yelly

I hope you realize that every day is a fresh start for you. That every sunrise is a new chapter in your life waiting to be written.
― Juansen Dizon

@yellywelly

I am thankful for where I live and that my windows are east-facing. Because I see the sun when it rises and I am treated to the gorgeous colours that Mother Nature chooses to paint the morning sky with!

No edits on this photo. Just shot with my iPhone!

Yelly Writes

My Tita Migen

Yelly

She was Maria Ignacia Generosa Libre Osorio. But to me, she was simply Tita Gengen. 

She taught us about colours and art. She shared with us her precious tempera paints and oils and allowed us to discover our own art and colours. She taught us how to sharpen a lead pencil carefully with a Stanley knife. She shared her piano with us and started our love affair with music and taught us to respect the instrument. She wrote poetry and beautiful prose and shared with us her love of literature. On my Facebook post, I forgot to mention that she introduced me to gin rummy and solitaire and she said that as long as I knew how to play cards, I would never be bored in my own company.

She had clarity of mind and strength of will to achieve what she wanted to achieve, and nothing stopped her. Not even her own personal limitations.

She loved us, her family – her brothers and sisters, her nieces and nephews. She loved us as fiercely as only she could.

I know that you are now healthy and whole and happy with Lolo, Lola, Unce Magni, Tita Margie, Uncle Franklin and Uncle Wawell. But I will miss you Tita Migen. More than I can ever put into words.

I love you Tita Gengen.

@yellywelly
Yelly Writes

Word Of The Year

Yelly

Flourish to grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, especially as the result of a particularly congenial environment…because now that I’m growing where I’ve been transplanted, it’s time to grow into health

I think I’d decided on my word for the year for 2024 in 2022 but I hadn’t realised how appropriate it was for where I am right now.. I know I’ve still got lessons to learn, changes to make and ways to travel. I can recognise the face in the mirror..and it’s time to get back to growing into the person I was meant to be. 

My word for 2024 is FLOURISH. To flourish is to grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, especially as the result of a particularly congenial environment.  This year I’m going to work on growing where I’ve been transplanted. It’s time for ME to flourish.

@yellywelly