time – Yellywelly

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.” — Henri J.M. Nouwen

Yesterday my patience was severely tested. I was waiting for something important to be delivered. A lot of things that will be happening to me in the next few days hinged on that all-important delivery.

I tried keep active and do other things to keep my mind off the fact that I was waiting. But it was hard! I had the TV on most of the day to distract me but didn’t even register that the great Roger Federer lost at Wimbledon! But what I was waiting for did finally arrive. I was just too impatient.

Note to self: when waiting allow yourself time to wait for the long haul. Your timetable isn’t the same as everyone else’s.

Just writing thoughts down. This post has completely no purpose except to vent.

Time flies when you’re having fun…and even if you’re not!

I can’t believe we’re half-way through with 2016! Someone once said that you know you’re getting older when time flies past so quickly. If that’s the case, then I’m definitely ancient. I find myself thinking more often than not, “Stop the world, I want to get off!”

Sometimes I get home and I want to just completely switch off. Just go to bed and pull the covers over my head and just sleep. But I can’t because there are chores to be done, food to be cooked, a kitchen to be cleaned. Then after all that, sometimes I wonder if I’m just wandering around life, walking in somnambulistic circles? I find that I’m asking myself all sorts of existential questions which scare me.

I find that a recurrent thought is me to have proper downtime. For me to just lie in bed. To not be responsible for anything. For me to have a day when no one asks me to do anything for anyone. For me to be alone with my books and my thoughts and my dreams. For me to sit at a coffee shop window, nurse a huge cup of coffee and watch the world go by.

I think I now understand what it is now to have social media fatigue. Ever since I moved to England, I’ve been online all the time. I’ve worked really hard to make the thousands of miles between me and my family and friends appear small and insignificant. I’ve invested in tech so that I can get in touch, be in touch and be accessible to everyone back home 24/7. There are days, however, when I want to completely switch off. To not bother catching up on tweets, Instagram, look at Facebook posts, catch up on LinkedIn (which, I might add, I haven’t really totally wrapped my mind around, even though LinkedIn says I’ve got an “all star” profile, whatever that means!), and to not care about work emails and how many emails I have in my Outlook inbox.

Mark Babbitt said that “[w]hen you realize you’ve stopped contributing original thought to a conversation, you are suffering from Social Media Fatigue. It is time to step away and take a social-less vacation.”

I think I need another break. A long one where I’m allowed to just walk, take pictures, enjoy my little seaside town, and not be responsible for anyone or anything, to completely switch off. To not worry about tax investigations or HMRC correspondence for clients. To not worry about family and if they’re all okay. I need to refill my spirit tank. I need to replenish my cheerful me supplies, restock my happiness cupboard.

I think that’s my goal for the next half of 2016. To find time for me. I have experienced burnout and that wasn’t a very good place to be in. I need to take care of me because no one else will do that.