Tag: writing

Yelly Writes

Happy New Year!

Yelly

Yeah, we’ve all been here before.

It’s a new year. And in the new year, we (usually) make these grandiose resolutions of wanting to better, healthier, fitter (some of us take out a gym membership!), more successful, more prosperous, an improved version of our previous selves; we want to make a change.

I’m not any different. I started to make my list of my new year resolutions last night, in the run up to midight. Then I remembered: I don’t have to. I already have a list. Because, really, what are resolutions but a guide for the things we want for ourselves, what we want to improve, right?

2022 was a year of seismic change for me. It was like someone took the tray that had everything I found familiar and safe and turned it upside down. I was recovering from my father’s death and I found myself confronted with the bomb site that was my life, surrounded by debris that looked familiar. There were items that I thought looked and felt familiar, or resembled things that I thought I knew, that no longer provided the same sense of security that they used to. I had to face the end of a relationship that I thought would never end – a relationship that defined my identity, my sense of self and, I thought, my future.

I suppose it was a long time coming. When you lose yourself in something, when you make impossible compromises (you know the ones, the ones where you do things because you think you’re doing it in the name of love), when you accept treatment that you otherwise wouldn’t (because, again, love), when you make adjustments in the name of being understanding (because you feel you have more capacity to understand), when you think it’s okay to settle because you think this is your lot, you made a decision, so you live with it.

It takes a life event of disaster proportions to make you see things from a different and possibly a clearer perspective. In my case, it was the end of a more-than-2-decade-long relationship for me to reevaluate everything. I guess from a making-a-change perspective, it was good that I was forced to do all these reevaluations from a different location. I was alone and I had to confront all the compromises and decisions I’d made to date. And it looked awful. I’m not blaming anyone else. I made those decisions. To paraphrase a once-favourite Wilson Phillips song, I’ve got no one to blame for my unhappiness, I got myself into my own mess. I contributed to the majority of the nuclear explosion that changed my life.

But, still thinking about that Wilson Phillips song, I am holding on. Because I know that things will change. Because now, I recognise the person in the mirror again. I recognise the person talking again. I’m learning from the experiences and I am coming out knowing who I am, grateful because I know I am so very blessed, learning the lessons and not settling for the bare minimum ever again.

I am a work in progress and I have a long way to go. But I am taking it a day at a time, a step at a time.

I am ready for the challenges that 2023 will bring because I know my God has me in the palm of His hands, I have people who truly love me supporting me and rooting for me.

I won’t have to edit who I am anymore.

I am walking forward being truly and authentically me!

Watch out world! Here I come!

Yelly Writes

This year…

Yelly

So WordPress asked me whether my life this year was what I thought it would look like this time last year.

HELL TO THE NO!

I’ve had so many shifts and pivots to my life that my life right now is definitely NOT what I would’ve even imagined it would be.

I’m not quite ready to write about it. To be fair, I haven’t actually written much about anything at all since my life started shifting. There have been a lot of massive life changes in the past 9 months. It hasn’t escaped me that it’s a 9-month reference. It feels like I’m a whole other person, and at the same time, I feel like I know who I’m looking at in the mirror again.

Life is different now. But different is good. Different means growth. Different means opportunities. Different means possibilitles.

How have you been?

Yelly Writes

Just writing

Yelly

I probably have things to say, thoughts to share and interesting opinions to express. But right now, I’m completely devoid of the will to be smart, sassy, and loquacious. Have you ever had a day like that?

I know it’s the day and age of saying what’s on your mind and expressing yourself. But I’ve had a lot of repeat bouts of foot-in-mouth disease and allowing my verbal diarrhea to run riot (possibly not the best choice of words!) has never ended well for me. In fact, I think, the situation I find myself in currently is a result of that – me expressing myself as honestly as possible. Funnily enough, I was asked to be honest, and when I was, it blew up in my face! Go figure, eh? You give people what they want and they still hate it and you. You can’t actually win!

I’ve started watching Emily in Paris on Netflix. Yes, VERY late to that party! But I guess at the time, I would’ve probably not found it as entertaining as I do now.

I do disagree with Emily though, I think London is the most exciting city in the world. London with its quirks and its idiosyncracies. And now that I live in the city suburbs (yes, such an American term, eh), I’m looking forward to understanding this contrary city a little better (if that’s even possible!).

So just putting this out there…a picture I took of Carnaby Street yesterday!

@yellywelly on Instagram
Yelly Writes

Tiptoeing around the why

Yelly

I’ve been asking myself existential blogging questions lately.

I haven’t blogged for a while. I actually thought that I hadn’t written anything for a year.

Although the last thing I actually wrote was the eulogy that I’d prepared for to celebrate the life of my dearest Tita (auntie in Filipino) Margie, who passed away on 27 May 2021. I’d forgotten about that. But just like everything that has happened in the last several months, everything feels like a lifetime ago. That’s another blog entry altogether!

A friend asked me if I still blogged (which is what actually brought about this existential reverie) and I answered and said I still had a blog but I hadn’t written in a very long time. They said they didn’t blog anymore because they felt that blogging was something that interesting people did. I truly wanted to splutter and object and say that we’re all interesting people! But of course, I didn’t.

That conversation does weigh heavily in my thoughts these days. Am I just fooling myself into thinking that I have something to say? Is anyone else interested in the mundane banality of my extraordinarily ordinary life?

I mean I have opinions. I have all these ideas of food to cook and bake. I’ve got all these things that I want to do. I have photographs to share. But is blogging still a relevant platform? I used to have a massive reach when I blogged on a different blog-hosting platform (which weirdly enough the name escapes me!). I had so many people read my blog entries, comment on my opinions and just interact.

I guess with the explosion of social media, blogging and microblogging platforms compete for the attention of the many people who consume content online. And if you’re someone so ordinary like me, you tend to get lost in the content posted by more prominent personalities.

Then it leads to the question – Why then do I post my prose online?

That question has made me think. I guess I still want to share my thoughts. I’m still of the opinion that if I share what I think, somehow, somewhere, someone else will read it and smile (or laugh) because they’ll think that they’re not alone, that someone else in the world is like them.

Why do you still blog?

Yelly Writes

Back to basics

Yelly

I haven’t written anything in quite a while.

It’s been an odd 18 months, I’m sure you’ll all agree. But unlike other (wannabe) creatives, I’ve procrastinated and I’ve stayed away from blogging. I’m not quite sure why. I’ve been busy with my real-world job and just learning to navigate the new world of Covidlandia.

I have been crocheting a lot though. I finally managed to finish my 100 poppies for the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Royal British Legion. I’ve had a few people buy them from me already and I am so thankful! Please be assured that the poppies have come from a Covid-free environment (I test often as I travel to and from work regularly). If anyone wants one, please let me know and I can send you details of how you can help me raise funds to donate to the RBL!

I’m going to try to blog more often. Even if it is just to rant or share a random thing. This person’s writing muscle needs to be exercised!

How have you all been?

Yelly Writes

Girl on the train feels

Yelly

If you follow me on Instgram (and if you don’t, please do! I’m @yellywelly), you’ll know that I more often than not story my trials and tribulations on the work commute that is the Greater Anglia service under the hashtag #girlonthetrainfeels.  

I’ve been using that hashtag for about 3 or so years now.  It’s has basically been my whinge board for all things related to my morning and evening commute on Greater Anglia.  Sometimes it’s just short videos of my train swooshing past pretty Essex fields, and sometimes (well, okay, most of the time) it’s me complaining about the delays on the service, but sometimes I share my thoughts on the passengers I share the train with.  Once, a lady got on the train from Stratford with the biggest Nemo balloon that I’d ever seen.  You can guess what my caption was (something about finding Nemo…of course!). 

I have an hourlong commute to work (I get on at Harwich and get off at Chelmsford) so it’s necessary to find ways to entertain myself.  I normally allow my mind to float away on flights of fancy.  I like to give nicknames to the people I come across on the train.  I wonder about their lives or why they behave the way they do on the train.  There are the train regulars like Colonel Mustard, Mr and Mrs Coughie, Lady Tosser, Cath (Kidston), Ichabod Crane…

These, of course, aren’t their real names.  I just call these names because of how they dress or behave.

I wonder if y’all want to hear about them?

Yelly Writes

Half the year’s gone!

Yelly

Tomorrow is the First of July, which means, of course, that half of the year has been and gone.

I know at the beginning of the year I said that I wouldn’t write down goals this year. Because I always don’t finish. I’m horrible at follow through when it’s something I have to do for myself. I have trouble keeping on track on my work to-do lists most times. I always break that vow at the end of January and I always end up writing down the things I want to do for the year.

But this year, funnily, I stuck to my guns. I’ve resisted the urge to write down my goals. Even when the little voice in my head demanded that I do so to have direction (I’m a list writer. I need lists!). I think I need to see my goals to nudge me out of the inertia.

I used to write things down in my diary and have a mood board. I think I needed the visual prompts to keep me on track.

Do you write down your goals? What’s your goal setting style? Care to share success tips?

Yelly Writes

Hello there stranger!

Yelly

Yes I am writing again. And no, I didn’t go on a writing sabbatical (as is my perennial excuse for being a lazy so and so).

I just haven’t been visited by the writing muses lately and real life adulting has been keeping me busy and most days absolutely shattered. By the time I get home, I’m more than ready to go to bed. But of course, there’s still dinner to be made and eaten and dishes to be washed. Some days, I really would just like to get in, lock the door behind me, take of my shoes, put down my bag, take a shower and go to bed. I’ve neglected all forms of creative pursuits – writing, crocheting, sewing. All my creative endeavours have been put on an extended pause until I find the motivation to start working with my hands again.

I’ve been feeling very down in the dumps lately. Maybe it’s the hay fever, but I feel like I have this blanket of general dissatisfaction about everything weighing me down. I try to busy myself and just keep my head down and just keep chugging along, ticking off one task after the other. If I keep myself busy, I stop noticing the little things that make me grind my teeth in annoyance. I try to smile through everything, be kind, be helpful, be pleasant and biddable, because that’s what’s expected (and I know that it’s not good for my mental health, all this tamping down of feelings). But there are days when I just want to shout in frustration and demand that people take care of me for a change. I keep wondering whether people would notice if I disappeared. I know…dark thoughts. I’m probably just feeling a bit neglected, taken for granted and a little invisible.

I do, however, want to write more. I have a hashtag that I use a lot on my Instagram stories (please follow me — I’m @yellywelly on Instagram and Twitter) – #girlonthetrainfeels. Yes, very, very inspired by Paula Hawkins’ book The Girl On The Train, which I loved and read several times over. Because, I am, for all intents and purposes a girl on the train. I commute to work on a train. I’ve been asked by people to write about my train journeys because my Instagram stories make them laugh.

I need to get writing. What I’m afraid if is that people will think I’m mean. Because I make up names for the people that get on the same train as me – the regulars. I also wonder about them, and have observations. I don’t think I’m being mean-spirited. It’s just a bit of fun on the train whilst I’m waiting for the train to roll onto my platform so I can get off and go to work.

I wonder if people will be interested in reading my stories and musings….

Yelly Writes

Painful wakefulness

Yelly

I started writing this entry at 23:23.   

I am awake, sitting on my couch and in pain.  I just wanted to stop crying about the pain my back was putting me through.  So I climbed out of bed, walked gingerly out of the bedroom and walked to my front room.  And then sobbed.  

It currently hurts to breath.  But it only hurts on the left side of my body.  My muscles are punishing me for doing something.  I’m not sure what.

So instead of focusing on the pain, I started breathing exercises to push through the pain.  Then I started thinking “Ooooh maybe I can read something to take my mind of trying to forget the pain.”  Because I always think engaging my brain helps me deal with whatever hurts – whether it’s a physical pain or something else. 

So now, I’m blogging.  Which is quite the surprise.  I haven’t actually written anything spontaneously in a very long while.  So in a way, I am thankful for the muscle pain that prompted me to get up.  It doesn’t matter whether or not this post makes sense or is at all positive (I’m writing about pain, so I’m thinking that’s a negative).  What’s important is that I’m writing again.  

I’ve got a few catch up posts to write.  Posts that I started whilst I was at home in the Philippines or in the weeks after I came home.  I need to be a little more disciplined about writing.  It is really like a muscle (hellooooo pain reference!), that needs to be exercised.  The longer I leave writing, the harder it is to approach the writing inertia.

And funnily enough, the only way to fight the writing inertia is to fight against the writing inertia.  What a predicament, eh?

It’s 23:34.  Not bad for 11 minutes work, huh?  It’s not exactly groundbreaking or profound.  But at least I’ve started writing again!

Yelly Writes

Trying something new

Yelly

I’m trying something different in the hope that I can emerge from this writing inertia.  I’ve always written my Instagram posts around a literary quote that fits my mood.  I’m hoping it helps lift this dark cloud over my writing muses.

It’s also very possible that life has become busier than ever.

But if I want to allow my creativity to flow, I need to make time for it!