Yelly Writes

Are we there yet?

Success is a journey, and every single day is a beautiful mile. — Unknown

I’m going through quite an anxious period in my life. Because it feels like everything is up in the air and I don’t necessarily know which way is up. I have this list of (inspirational) quotes and, because I’m pedantic and persnickety (I also like old, interesting terms), I will go through the list, one item at a time, in order. I’m in the section of my quotes that seems to be one quote after another about success. It’s making me anxious because, what have I got to say about success? My current situation feels more like a disaster, and so far removed from success.

But okay, let’s not make this about me. Or at least, let’s try.

What is your definition of success? Some people are planners, and success is ticking off items on a list to get to the end of a project. Some people are thinkers, and success is finally arriving at a conclusion after testing ideas. Some people are creatives, and success is finally breathing life into a body of work. But all this is success in relation to productivity. For some people, there is no need to produce; success is being able to have a good day, to have a chance to laugh, to breathe, to just be.

Is it just me, or does society these days focus on having something to point to, where we say, “I made that!” It just feels like we’re on this perpetual hamster wheel of production. It feels like everything has become a commodity and the measure of success relates to a list of assets, and in order to build that list, one has to either produce or acquire.

I enjoy pace and I enjoy the challenge of finding solutions right away. I know I can sprint along with the best of them. But lately, I’ve been feeling exhausted. I’ve been questioning the constant need to chase…everything. Maybe this is why I feel so lost, so disconnected. Maybe I’m missing being able to have time and space. Because while I know I can do things quickly and efficiently, I like to be able to process, at a pace that is my own, in an environment that is less frenzied and frantic. But when success is only measured by what you can show for yourself, the journey — the wrestling, the questioning, the becoming — gets dismissed as inefficiency. But that part of the journey is where the real work happens.

Have we forgotten to appreciate the time it takes to travel? Have we forgotten that the journey isn’t just merely arriving at the destination? Have we forgotten that it’s the experiences between departure and arrival that make the journey? That’s where the lessons are learned. That’s where the memories are made. That’s where the experience is created, where expertise is gained. Because while you have a destination in mind, the things that happen in between change where you get to.

Yelly Writes

Mid year!

Just writing thoughts down.  This post has completely no purpose except to vent.

Time flies when you’re having fun…and even if you’re not!

I can’t believe we’re half-way through with 2016!  Someone once said that you know you’re getting older when time flies past so quickly.  If that’s the case, then I’m definitely ancient.  I find myself thinking more often than not, “Stop the world, I want to get off!”

Sometimes I get home and I want to just completely switch off.  Just go to bed and pull the covers over my head and just sleep.  But I can’t because there are chores to be done, food to be cooked, a kitchen to be cleaned.  Then after all that, sometimes I wonder if I’m just wandering around life, walking in somnambulistic circles?  I find that I’m asking myself all sorts of existential questions which scare me.

I find that a recurrent thought is me to have proper downtime.  For me to just lie in bed.  To not be responsible for anything.  For me to have a day when no one asks me to do anything for anyone.  For me to be alone with my books and my thoughts and my dreams.  For me to sit at a coffee shop window, nurse a huge cup of coffee and watch the world go by.

I think I now understand what it is now to have social media fatigue.  Ever since I moved to England, I’ve been online all the time.  I’ve worked really hard to make the thousands of miles between me and my family and friends appear small and insignificant.  I’ve invested in tech so that I can get in touch, be in touch and be accessible to everyone back home 24/7.  There are days, however, when I want to completely switch off.  To not bother catching up on tweets, Instagram, look at Facebook posts, catch up on LinkedIn (which, I might add, I haven’t really totally wrapped my mind around, even though LinkedIn says I’ve got an “all star” profile, whatever that means!), and to not care about work emails and how many emails I have in my Outlook inbox.

Mark Babbitt said that “[w]hen you realize you’ve stopped contributing original thought to a conversation, you are suffering from Social Media Fatigue. It is time to step away and take a social-less vacation.”

I think I need another break.  A long one where I’m allowed to just walk, take pictures, enjoy my little seaside town, and not be responsible for anyone or anything, to completely switch off.  To not worry about tax investigations or HMRC correspondence for clients.  To not worry about family and if they’re all okay.  I need to refill my spirit tank.  I need to replenish my cheerful me supplies, restock my happiness cupboard.

I think that’s my goal for the next half of 2016.  To find time for me.  I have experienced burnout and that wasn’t a very good place to be in.  I need to take care of me because no one else will do that. 

Yelly Writes

Sometimes you just need rest!

I have been quite stressed lately…and I think it’s because I’ve been working too hard and I’ve been dealing with…issues.  I’ve had a reflective look back at my life and during the most stressful situations, I’ve noticed that I read a lot of books, fiction mostly.  And during the past 12 months, I’ve been reading up a storm!  My fiction reading is directly proportional to my stress levels (15 books in 6 months is a lot – more than a book every 2 weeks!).  I think I’m this close to a burnout.  I’ve also been reading loads about stress coping strategies and burnouts and how to spot them.  It’s not helping though because I know intrinsically, something’s got to change.

What I really need is a change of place, a change of pace, and…a change.  But tonight I’m going to go to bed and just rest!

nuh-night!