Month: Jul 2026

Yelly Writes

In(ter)dependence

Yelly

You were whole before they arrived, and you are whole now that they are gone. — Unknown

Building a life together doesn’t mean codependency. The goal is to be interdependent — to blend your lives together to form a unit, a team, but with two distinct, independent parts. You’re not expected to solve your other half’s problems for them, you’re supposed to be there to support them through the journey to the solutions. You’re not expected to TAKE CARE of the other person, you’re expected to CARE FOR the other person.

Learning to blend your lives together takes time, in the same way you learn geography, language, and maths. You both learn to map out your boundaries and territories while learning to share space. You learn each other’s languages and understand unspoken cues so that you’re able to communicate with each other in a way that is meaningful and understandable to the other person so that needs, wants, and feelings are shared. You learn to divide the effort it takes to make the relationship work, to know when to add your skills, your personality, to turn your life into one that is uniquely both yours, so you’re both parts of your shared narrative. At the same time, you learn to subtract yourself from the story so that your individuality isn’t compromised. Learning to bring two lives together takes work, takes time, a lot of patience, a lot of trust, self-awareness and the willingness to be open to communicate and receive communication. It can be scary because negotiating and discovering boundaries are delicate considerations. You just need to make sure you’re guided by love, kindness and constant awareness that this is a journey you’re taking with someone else.

It is worth it, though. Because you enter into a partnership. You gain someone; you don’t lose yourself.

@yellywelly
Yelly Writes

Confessions of a serial rewatcher

Yelly
photo by @yellywelly

Okay, I’ve been indulging in comfort TV binge-watching. I have several favourite series(eseseses – yes yes, I know that series in plural form is still series!) that I watch on repeat: The Good Witch, Virgin River, Sweet Magnolias, Sullivan’s Crossing and Chesapeake Shores.

I’m currently binge-re-watching Chesapeake Shores and I’ve just realised that my series favourites have a lot of actors in common! And because I like Virgin River, and they’re apparently filming Season 8 (yaaaaa!), the characters are fresh in my mind. Every time a familiar face appears on TV I just shout out their TV character name.

  • Muriel (played by Teryl Rothery) has appeared on Chesapeake Shores as Robin O’Brien, The Good Witch as Meredith Mitchell.
  • Lydie (played by Christina Jastrzembska) appeared on Chesapeake Shores episodes. Interestingly enough, she appeared as Bella’s grandmother in New Moon!
  • Lilly (played by Lynda Boyd) appeared on Sullivan’s Crossing as Phoebe, Maggie’s mother.
    Charmaine (played by Lauren Hammersley) appeared on Sullivan’s Crossing as Connie Boyd.
  • Abby (played by Meghan Ory) appeared on Sullivan’s Crossing as Sedona.

All this to say that yes, I do watch the same shows over and over again. I’ve read that it’s a well-known fact that people who watch the same shows just want to avoid making decisions, and that rewatching the familiar is comfort-seeking, trying to regulate their emotions. The decision avoidance is a sign of decision fatigue, which is often a warning sign of burnout. It can also be a subconscious desire to reconnect with a past self to experience a version of yourself that you actually liked (I think this is true for me!).

I do love rewatching the TV shows because sometimes there are details you missed and you go “ooooooh so that’s why!

Do you know of any actor crossovers? What are your favourite TV binges?

Okay. I know this post is random. Go back to your regular programming!

Yelly Writes

Stop outsourcing your self-worth!

Yelly

No one can diminish your worth without your permission. — Eleanor Roosevelt

Michelangelo’s David at the V&A by @yellywelly

If they choose to not see you for who you are, what your capabilities are, where your heart is, how you move in the world, that is on them. Whether they consciously choose to miss out on really knowing who you are as a person or they just walk past you, that is them missing out.

The harsh truth is that validation is a real human need. Because validation provides a human connection: the validation provides feedback that contributes to growth and development. The validation also provides a sense of trust because someone sees us. This same validation also provides a sense of safety: because we are seen, heard and accepted, we feel that we belong, we fit in, and that belongingness makes us feel safe.

But we need to remember that needing validation does not mean we have to hunt or chase for it externally — not all the time. It is a yardstick to measure against, but not to base our net worth on. External validation is superficial, fleeting, and variable. It changes like weather and climate – dependent on time and location. If you base your self-worth on how others see you, this will lead to heartbreak, stress, anxiety, and a need for so much therapy!

We have control of how we view ourselves. Our valuation has to start with us. We need to establish our own value, independent of how others perceive us. We need to believe in ourselves first. That self-trust, self-reliance, and self-awareness will make us strong and less vulnerable to outside judgment.

It is easier said than done. But the path to healing, self-awareness, and self-love is never easy or straightforward. We just need to keep going, guided by love and kindness.

Yelly Writes

The blurred lines of grief

Yelly

Healing is not linear — and neither are boundaries. — Unknown

A few weeks after my return from my mother’s memorial service, I met up with a few friends. I thought it would be a good experience to be around people. But one person kept asking me what happened on my trip, how I was feeling, if I was okay now, and if I could move on now. Up until that point, I thought I would be okay being around people. I wasn’t. I wanted to scream at this person, and I wanted to run away and cry.

I didn’t, of course. I am thankful I bit my tongue and prayed for my tongue to stick to the roof of my mouth so I wouldn’t say anything I couldn’t take back. I knew this person did not have the capacity to understand the depth and heft of my grief, because they hadn’t experienced the death of a parent, and really, because we all deal with situations differently. They were approaching me and my experience in the way they would if they were in the same situation. I behaved differently around this person after that. I didn’t feel like we were occupying the same spaces anymore. I know I may have judged too harshly after that experience, but I had to step away. I was too hurt. I don’t think they realised that they had wounded me so deeply. At the time, I didn’t have the capacity to explain what I was going through (that’s on me completely), but I knew that if I had opened my mouth, I would be caustic and say things I couldn’t take back.

Grieving and healing are both processes that involve ebbs and flows, with twists and turns. I think boundaries are the same. They shift and stretch depending on a person’s growth and capacity

Everything is a work in progress.