You were whole before they arrived, and you are whole now that they are gone. — Unknown
Building a life together doesn’t mean codependency. The goal is to be interdependent — to blend your lives together to form a unit, a team, but with two distinct, independent parts. You’re not expected to solve your other half’s problems for them, you’re supposed to be there to support them through the journey to the solutions. You’re not expected to TAKE CARE of the other person, you’re expected to CARE FOR the other person.
Learning to blend your lives together takes time, in the same way you learn geography, language, and maths. You both learn to map out your boundaries and territories while learning to share space. You learn each other’s languages and understand unspoken cues so that you’re able to communicate with each other in a way that is meaningful and understandable to the other person so that needs, wants, and feelings are shared. You learn to divide the effort it takes to make the relationship work, to know when to add your skills, your personality, to turn your life into one that is uniquely both yours, so you’re both parts of your shared narrative. At the same time, you learn to subtract yourself from the story so that your individuality isn’t compromised. Learning to bring two lives together takes work, takes time, a lot of patience, a lot of trust, self-awareness and the willingness to be open to communicate and receive communication. It can be scary because negotiating and discovering boundaries are delicate considerations. You just need to make sure you’re guided by love, kindness and constant awareness that this is a journey you’re taking with someone else.
It is worth it, though. Because you enter into a partnership. You gain someone; you don’t lose yourself.
Yellywelly 