Yelly Writes

Recovering

…from jet lag.

I’ve been back from my Manila trip for a week now but I’m still feeling exhausted.

But apart from the jet lag, I’ve been battling with a lot of stuff. I think that’s why I’m feeling really drained. Also, during the trip to Manila, I found out that I lost at least 20 kilograms!

For those of you seasoned travellers, how to do you get over jet lag? My strategy is to through as much caffeine at it as I can during the time that I’m supposed to be awake. I’m not sure it’s working.

Help?

Yelly Writes

The End of Something

I’m not actually writing anything profound. It’s just the title of the Season 2 cliffhanger episode of The Umbrella Academy, which I’m actually watching as I type this blog entry! And yes, I’m actually writing something! Yeah! Me!

In this day and age of on-demand TV subscriptions, what are you guys watching? Are you watching anything good? Why are you watching what you’re watching? I thought it was about time to watch the shows I wanted to watch with someone specific. I was holding off. But seeing as it’s no longer a viable option (the waiting to find out whether I could still have those binge-watch sessions) and I am curious as to what is going to happen to the characters I was once emotionally invested in, I thought it was a good distraction, to catch up on what Vanya, Luther, Diego, Allison, Five, Ben and everyone else was up to.

I’ve got Stranger Things on my list too.

Yelly Writes

Introspection

Noun. The examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.

I’ve been going through a period of considerable flux. It’s forced me to reevaluate my entire life: my faith, my values, the relationships I have, the direction I’ve allowed my life to take, the decisions I’ve made and the decisions I’ve allowed people to make for me. And let me tell you, it was a painful and ugly process. It was hard to look in the mirror and not recognise the person staring back at me. How had I let myself get here?

I’ve had to face a lot of hard truths about myself. I’ve also had to have a lot counselling…something which I never actually thought I would find myself doing. But it has helped immensely. It has allowed me to see the positives in me that I needed to remember, so that I could rebuild and heal. I’m not saying it’s all rosy and happy-going now. It’s a process and I’m in no way even a third of the way through, not even a quarter there.

I’m going to have to start from scratch. I need to get to know myself again. Figure out what MY boundaries are, what my hard limits are, what my deal breakers are. I need to be comfortable with expressing how I feel, if I am hurt, if something feels uncomfortable, if something makes me feel disrespected, and what I need to feel seen, acknowledged, and considered. I need to stop apologising for expressing my feelings.

I know that I will need to redevelop my communication style, because I know that I have the unfortunate tendency to say what I think and I feel, without, necessarily, the required sensitivity filters. But one thing I am sure of, I no longer want to walk on eggshells in my own life. I refuse to apologise for speaking my mind and my heart.

I am going to rebuild my life on my terms.

© Igor Starkov
Yelly Snaps

Read a good book lately?

I went to the V&A last week.

It was the Easter bank holiday and I was at loose ends. I went to visit John Gibson’s Pandora (which was a thing I did whenever I was at the V&A because she was a character I could relate to…but reflections on that is probably another blog entry all together!).

I missed going to the V&A and just exploring. If my hip hadn’t started hurting, I’d have explored some more. I couldn’t move my left leg without feeling pain. So I thought I’d take myself off to pick up provisions before I couldn’t actually walk anywhere. I probably need some physio on my hip.

One of the things I “rediscovered” was a reading room at the top of one of the stairs near the Cast Gallery. It’s the National Art Library. It has one of the best collections of public reference materials on art and design. I do want to be able to sit at one of the desks just to be in the space. It’s meant to be open on Tuesdays and Wednesdays in May and the V & A hope to open more days in the summer. It’s on my list to visit!

The photo below was taken from the doorway, through one of the window panes. If this is what it looks like through the door, how amazing would it be to sit at one of those desks and just absorb the gorgeousness?

Yelly Writes

Still here

This has been a recurring post.

I say that I’m still floating about, but that life has gotten in the way and that I haven’t written in a while. I have been writing though. Just not online. Writing things down in my journal because I’ve been trying to make sense of what I’m going through.

It’s been a tough few months.

The last few weeks have been even more challenging. Some days better than others. I’m taking it a day at a time. I know things will get better. I just can’t see it right now. But it’s a step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Some days even the smile sticks.

I just have to believe that things will get better.

Yelly Writes

Perspective

I’ve not been feeling the urge to write. So I’m thankful for the ability to take photos. It allows me to put in content in other ways. I think the writing muses are letting me adjust to the massive change in my life. I don’t think I’m in the right grief stage. I’m waiting for the despondency to hit me…right when I’m vulnerable and not expecting it.

My feelings are still spaghetti-in-bowl tangled and I think I need to sort things out in my head first so that it makes sense to me.

Yelly Writes

Leitraot Abba

He left with a smile. And he made sure I knew that he heard me when I said “I love you Abba!”

My dearest miracle man is now healthy, whole, and singing his heart out in Heaven. I can just imagine the Hebrew conversations you’re having there.

My dearest Tatay, Dr Florencio-Isagani S. Medina, III, passed away today, 10 November, early in the morning Philippine time.

My Abba was a quiet man, but when he spoke he spoke with eloquence, and he spoke when it mattered. He was strict, very strict in fact, but he would spoil us too. He knew exactly when to do it. And when he did treat us, it was treating on a massive scale. He made sure we had everything we wanted. My Abba was a generous man. He was generous not only to his family and friends, he was generous with everything and with everyone – his wife, his children, his brothers and sisters, his in-laws, his friends, his neighbours, his colleagues at work, his students and even the man who sells us taho. He was kind because he knew what it was to live without, how it was to be hungry, and if he could help someone else not go through the pain, he would do what he could.

Abba, I feel so blessed to have been born into your family. I am so proud to be your daughter. I am happy that you are now free from the limitations of your body. But I will miss you so very much, more than I can ever say. Thank you for staying with us for 7 years. Thank you for enduring the difficulties your strokes brought on your body. You knew we needed you. You knew we weren’t ready to not have you with us. Thank you for everything. My heart is so full because you gave to us so beautifully and completely. You made sure we knew we were loved., completely, unconditionally and individually.

I love you forever Abbadabbadoo! I’ll see you later!

Yelly Writes

Tiptoeing around the why

I’ve been asking myself existential blogging questions lately.

I haven’t blogged for a while. I actually thought that I hadn’t written anything for a year.

Although the last thing I actually wrote was the eulogy that I’d prepared for to celebrate the life of my dearest Tita (auntie in Filipino) Margie, who passed away on 27 May 2021. I’d forgotten about that. But just like everything that has happened in the last several months, everything feels like a lifetime ago. That’s another blog entry altogether!

A friend asked me if I still blogged (which is what actually brought about this existential reverie) and I answered and said I still had a blog but I hadn’t written in a very long time. They said they didn’t blog anymore because they felt that blogging was something that interesting people did. I truly wanted to splutter and object and say that we’re all interesting people! But of course, I didn’t.

That conversation does weigh heavily in my thoughts these days. Am I just fooling myself into thinking that I have something to say? Is anyone else interested in the mundane banality of my extraordinarily ordinary life?

I mean I have opinions. I have all these ideas of food to cook and bake. I’ve got all these things that I want to do. I have photographs to share. But is blogging still a relevant platform? I used to have a massive reach when I blogged on a different blog-hosting platform (which weirdly enough the name escapes me!). I had so many people read my blog entries, comment on my opinions and just interact.

I guess with the explosion of social media, blogging and microblogging platforms compete for the attention of the many people who consume content online. And if you’re someone so ordinary like me, you tend to get lost in the content posted by more prominent personalities.

Then it leads to the question – Why then do I post my prose online?

That question has made me think. I guess I still want to share my thoughts. I’m still of the opinion that if I share what I think, somehow, somewhere, someone else will read it and smile (or laugh) because they’ll think that they’re not alone, that someone else in the world is like them.

Why do you still blog?

Yelly Writes

Back to basics

I haven’t written anything in quite a while.

It’s been an odd 18 months, I’m sure you’ll all agree. But unlike other (wannabe) creatives, I’ve procrastinated and I’ve stayed away from blogging. I’m not quite sure why. I’ve been busy with my real-world job and just learning to navigate the new world of Covidlandia.

I have been crocheting a lot though. I finally managed to finish my 100 poppies for the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Royal British Legion. I’ve had a few people buy them from me already and I am so thankful! Please be assured that the poppies have come from a Covid-free environment (I test often as I travel to and from work regularly). If anyone wants one, please let me know and I can send you details of how you can help me raise funds to donate to the RBL!

I’m going to try to blog more often. Even if it is just to rant or share a random thing. This person’s writing muscle needs to be exercised!

How have you all been?