Yelly Writes

The heaviness inside

My tear ducts are working overtime.

I am constantly fighting the urge to cry these days.  It doesn’t take much to make me cry.  My chest feels so heavy.  My back constantly aches and my shoulders are so rock hard with tension.  I smile and when asked, I say I’m okay.  But I’m not.  Inside I am screaming for a hug, a gentle touch. I should probably ask.    But I am afraid of being rejected.

I feel like I’m standing in the shadows.  Invisible.  Alone. Unwanted.

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Yelly Reads

What are you reading?

I’ve been on a massive reading spree lately!  I’ve read the following:

Into The Water because, well, because Paula Hawkins!

The Girl Before, mostly because I loved the cover.  But JP Delaney is a brilliant writer.

The Secret, because again, I liked the cover.  But I already had one of Katerina Diamond’s books on my Kindle collection already but hadn’t gotten around to reading it.  After finishing The Secret, I knew I had to read The Teacher!

This Is Going To Hurt by Adam Kay is basically the memoirs of a junior doctor.  If you didn’t appreciate the NHS and all the medical practitioners who work there, you will after reading this book!

I do love a good book.  I am particularly pleased when it’s a proper book because I enjoy turning the pages.

What are you reading at the moment?

Yelly Writes

Lessons of faith

“I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.” ― Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control

 

I’ve not very been very vocal about my faith or my spirituality.  Maybe because in this very secular world I didn’t want to tread on people’s toes or sensitivities.  I know that we are all allowed to say what we feel, what we think and our faith is one of the most important testaments we can make.  However, that being said, I think I’ve allowed myself to be more PC than I thought I would ever be.  Because of that, allowed myself to not talk about how my faith gets me through each day.  I’m reminded of Psalty the Singing Songbook from the Kids’ Praise series of music albums I used to listen to when I was little.  I can still hear Psalty saying “God wouldn’t want you to hide your light under a bushel!”  And that’s exactly what I allowed myself to do.

I am truly a church kid.  I grew up getting up early on a Sunday morning, getting dressed in my Sunday best and going to church and Sunday school.  I sang in the children’s choir and Christmas was always busy with children’s choir rehearsals.  My summers were spent attending daily vacation church school, attending summer church camps and other church-based activities.  It didn’t stop there.  As I got older, i graduated to joining the chancel choir, acting as bible study leader, children’s choir conductor and summer camp cell group leader.  If I were still in the Philippines, I would probably still be in church most weekends, happily involved in the various things church-related.  Most of my oldest and most enduring friendships are with people I grew up with, in church.  I am quite thankful that I grew up in church because I know that this has founded my faith and it is my faith that carries me through the dark days.

It is because I grew up in church that I learned to take solace in prayer and meditation.  I find that the quiet times that I spend alone with my thoughts, tears, prayers and meditations ground me and steady me.  It allows me to surrender everything to the higher power taking care of us.  It is also because of that faith that the word surrender doesn’t feature negatively in my vocabulary.  Surrender is sometimes the bravest thing to do.

Quite recently, I started listening to Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Conversations podcast.  She had a conversation with Rev Ed Bacon about spirituality.  It was such an ecumenical discussion about faith that it gave me a lightbulb moment.  I had to look back on conversations about faith that I had with the friends I have here.  I found that I had discussions about faith and prayer with friends who were Christian, Muslim, and others who didn’t necessarily ascribe to a particular religious doctrine.  Spirituality and faith is universal.  So talking about it is universal.  It is funny that it’s taken me so long to realise this!

And today, as with all the most difficult days, my mantra is “In His perfect time, according to His perfect will.”

Yelly Writes

My father, my hero!❤️

“The father’s job is to teach his children how to be warriors, 
to give them the confidence to get on the horse to ride into battle 
when it’s necessary to do so.” 
― Cheryl Strayed, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

Happy Father’s Day to the most amazing man I know.

I will never be able to thank you enough for everything that you did for us, so that we could follow our dreams, be strong enough to fight our own battles and live the lives we want. Your kindness and generous heart extended not just to your family but even to people on the street that you barely knew. You loved generously and gave of yourself to your family unselfishly.

I am blessed because I know HOW MUCH you love us. You will forever be our amazing superhero, our miracle man.

I love you Abba. Always and forever.

Yelly Writes

Trying something new

I’m trying something different in the hope that I can emerge from this writing inertia.  I’ve always written my Instagram posts around a literary quote that fits my mood.  I’m hoping it helps lift this dark cloud over my writing muses.

It’s also very possible that life has become busier than ever.

But if I want to allow my creativity to flow, I need to make time for it!

Yelly Writes

On a break

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” ― Ansel Adams

 

I haven’t really written anything lately.  I went to Edinburgh and I’ve come back with loads of amazing photos, and yet I’ve not done anything with them.  I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts lately.  I’m not feeling a connection with my writing.  I’ve been struggling creatively and I feel like I need a massive kick up the backside to get me out of this non-writing loop!

Oh help!