forgiveness – Yellywelly

We are all beautiful disasters. We are all unique and complex. Perfectly imperfect, extraordinarily ordinary but all magically marvellous. We need to embrace the totality of who we are: the spaghetti bowl of tangled emotions, the missteps that need redirections, the weaknesses, our strengths, our passions and our hearts.

We need to forgive ourselves for being human and for not knowing things right away, for not knowing how to cope with new situations. We are here to learn, to develop, to grow and to evolve. We need to firmly, but gently, remind ourselves of this everyday.

We need to remember that every single day, we are enough, we have enough, and what we do need, we will acquire when the time is right. The universe evens everything out and will conspire in our favour.

An open letter…to someone who probably won’t ever have the opportunity, or, if I’m honest, the desire, to read anything I write. But I just to say this.

Dear You,

Whatever I expected of you, I expected because I did give you what I could and probably more than I should’ve. Because I hoped that what I gave w0uld be returned, not like a transaction but because it was how relationships should be – there is give and there is take, there is push and there is pull, and we fill the gaps because we’re a team and we help each other. We’re weak when the other is strong.

What I didn’t take into consideration was that it probably wasn’t what you were capable of or willing to give. And that’s okay. What you put me through, I’m taking as a learning experience. And boy, have I learned.

Once, a long time ago, I read the passage below from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I fully believed that you would be the one who loved me enough to be my person this way. Imagine how much my heart broke when I was going through a difficult time and I asked you to be with me and you said you didn’t want to. I learned a lot that day. What I refused to consider at the time was that you didn’t have it in you to provide the support I needed. I know that now. And belatedly, I realise that I probably knew it then. They say hindsight is 20/20. And it is.

I hope you are well. I hope you are whole. I hope you are happy.

I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.
― Elizabeth Gilbert