An open letter…to someone who probably won’t ever have the opportunity, or, if I’m honest, the desire, to read anything I write. But I just to say this.
Dear You,
Whatever I expected of you, I expected because I did give you what I could and probably more than I should’ve. Because I hoped that what I gave w0uld be returned, not like a transaction but because it was how relationships should be – there is give and there is take, there is push and there is pull, and we fill the gaps because we’re a team and we help each other. We’re weak when the other is strong.
What I didn’t take into consideration was that it probably wasn’t what you were capable of or willing to give. And that’s okay. What you put me through, I’m taking as a learning experience. And boy, have I learned.
Once, a long time ago, I read the passage below from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I fully believed that you would be the one who loved me enough to be my person this way. Imagine how much my heart broke when I was going through a difficult time and I asked you to be with me and you said you didn’t want to. I learned a lot that day. What I refused to consider at the time was that you didn’t have it in you to provide the support I needed. I know that now. And belatedly, I realise that I probably knew it then. They say hindsight is 20/20. And it is.
I hope you are well. I hope you are whole. I hope you are happy.
I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.
― Elizabeth Gilbert