Yelly Writes

The quiet times

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” ― Ansel Adams

I’ve always had something to say, an opinion to express, or an argument to make.  My family encouraged vocal discourse; my father’s family fostered an environment where dry, sarcastic humour was used to drive home a point; my mother’s family encouraged debate – about everything: political opinion, religious dogma, the traffic, the path of the ants on the wall, you name it, my mother’s family would happily discuss and argue about it.  So naturally, I talked.  A lot.  It was the only logical development in my communication progression.  I had to fight to be heard, so I learned how to talk.

But lately, I’ve found that quietness is good to.  That thinking and not necessarily talking about the thoughts that run through your head is also a good thing.  I’ve learned that sometimes chatter is just a filler. Sometimes companionable silence is a sign of true acceptance and belonging. You don’t always have to say things to be understood.

Of course, the caveat to that is that one has to talk, so that feelings can be understood and there won’t be any misunderstandings.  There is that old maxim that says “actions speak louder than words.”  This is true.  I am also of the persuasion that things that can be said must be said.  It’s never better left unsaid.

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Yelly Writes

Mid year!

Just writing thoughts down.  This post has completely no purpose except to vent.

Time flies when you’re having fun…and even if you’re not!

I can’t believe we’re half-way through with 2016!  Someone once said that you know you’re getting older when time flies past so quickly.  If that’s the case, then I’m definitely ancient.  I find myself thinking more often than not, “Stop the world, I want to get off!”

Sometimes I get home and I want to just completely switch off.  Just go to bed and pull the covers over my head and just sleep.  But I can’t because there are chores to be done, food to be cooked, a kitchen to be cleaned.  Then after all that, sometimes I wonder if I’m just wandering around life, walking in somnambulistic circles?  I find that I’m asking myself all sorts of existential questions which scare me.

I find that a recurrent thought is me to have proper downtime.  For me to just lie in bed.  To not be responsible for anything.  For me to have a day when no one asks me to do anything for anyone.  For me to be alone with my books and my thoughts and my dreams.  For me to sit at a coffee shop window, nurse a huge cup of coffee and watch the world go by.

I think I now understand what it is now to have social media fatigue.  Ever since I moved to England, I’ve been online all the time.  I’ve worked really hard to make the thousands of miles between me and my family and friends appear small and insignificant.  I’ve invested in tech so that I can get in touch, be in touch and be accessible to everyone back home 24/7.  There are days, however, when I want to completely switch off.  To not bother catching up on tweets, Instagram, look at Facebook posts, catch up on LinkedIn (which, I might add, I haven’t really totally wrapped my mind around, even though LinkedIn says I’ve got an “all star” profile, whatever that means!), and to not care about work emails and how many emails I have in my Outlook inbox.

Mark Babbitt said that “[w]hen you realize you’ve stopped contributing original thought to a conversation, you are suffering from Social Media Fatigue. It is time to step away and take a social-less vacation.”

I think I need another break.  A long one where I’m allowed to just walk, take pictures, enjoy my little seaside town, and not be responsible for anyone or anything, to completely switch off.  To not worry about tax investigations or HMRC correspondence for clients.  To not worry about family and if they’re all okay.  I need to refill my spirit tank.  I need to replenish my cheerful me supplies, restock my happiness cupboard.

I think that’s my goal for the next half of 2016.  To find time for me.  I have experienced burnout and that wasn’t a very good place to be in.  I need to take care of me because no one else will do that.