Sometimes my irritation and annoyance just gets the better on me. I open my mouth and out comes a snarky comment.
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” ― Benjamin Franklin
My Lola always said tactful is as tactful does, and I’ve always tried to follow my granny’s advice. But it has been difficult to learn this particular lesson. I think because my parents encouraged us to speak our mind. My parents encouraged us to state our opinions and to verbalise our reasons for feeling the way we feel. I am finding out that verbal diarrhoea whilst very Bridget Jonesy is never good.
In the same way I’ve tried (and more than often failed) to always have my verbal edit button available and thought before I spoke, I must learn to learn to pause before my hands start typing! 🙊 Because these days, it’s difficult to take it back what you release in the internet ether because whilst there is a delete button, as we all know, the delete button on the internet isn’t really a delete button because somehow, somewhere whatever you put out is still out there!
Yes, I can see the disapproving look that angel is giving me!
I’ve always maintained that my blog needs to be conversational. That when you read my blog entries, it feels like you’re having a conversation with me and I’m just chattering away. By the way, please take this as an invitation to initiate conversation in the comments section! I’d love to hear from all my lovely readers!
The trouble with working in an office environment and a technical one at that (I work for a chartered accountants firm) is that the language is so different. The language is filled with technical jargon. I’ve been typing a lot of technical documents this week so I’ve found it terribly difficult to switch the syntax off. So I’ve been struggling to write something that “sounds like me”. I’ve started 2 blog posts and I found myself rolling my eyes after reading the drafts! I know I trained in education but I know I don’t normally sound so abstruse and professorial!
So today, I am parking the blogging. Well, okay, except for this post. I am, instead, getting my hair done and I am catching up on reading and domestic goddess duties (cooking for the weekend, cleaning the flat and tackling my ironing chair – which is probably a blog post in itself!). You never know, the writing muses might choose to make an appearance and I can finally finish the blog entries I’ve pushed onto the back burner!
If the haircut goes well, I might post a photo on the blog to show the “new” mop.
I have been wanting to revamp the blog and start blogging properly again. But I needed inspiration – and probably a huge kick in the behind to get me off the proverbial couch and get to it.
I have been fangirling on Sara Tasker ever since I read an article on Stylist about how she quit her job and carved a lucrative career out of Instagram. I thought, “Oh my gosh! This girl! Her photos! How to be her?” So it was because of Sara Tasker that I started seeking out women who inspired me, women who were brave to forge careers out of things that they were passionate about.
As with everything, I am easily distracted. I completely forgot about improving the blog and allowed myself to be completely immersed and obsessed with Instagram. While it was a creative outlet, it wasn’t what I was good at. I did get quite a few likes on some of my photos though! The photo below was actually liked 1,224 times!
Now that is a revelation because I knew it had a lot of likes but I don’t have a lot of photos that go over 200 in the like category, so when something gets 500+ or 700+, it is a major achievement. It means my photo was interesting enough for people to look and click on that little heart icon. Thank you to every single person who has liked my photos and posted comments!
Instagram is a lovely distraction, but I’ve always thought my writing was more sound than my photography skills. So I searched for inspiration. I read books – lots of books about blogging, writing. food writing, making money from my blog…I’ve read so many articles and was this close to buying an expensive book that “guaranteed” they would get you blogging and making a huge success of yourself and your blog after you read their book. Nope, I didn’t buy the book – but I was tempted.
A friend of mine wanted to start a blog and helpful soul that I am, I said I’d help them set it up. But I felt an awful fraud offering to help someone start a blog when my blog was right there, languishing in the corner! I needed to brush up on inspiration basics, blog inspiration and tips!
Because Sara Tasker was my inspiration, I went back to her website. I wanted to find inspiration. I wanted to find social media tips. I discovered she had a podcast – HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?!? So I quickly made room for the podcasts and started listening to her a few days ago. The first 2 podcasts were mind-blowing. It was an inspiration fest. When I get excited I write – and one thing I’ve learned from working in an office is, if you want to remember things, WRITE IT DOWN. It’s something to do with your brain remembering things better when there is an action related to the act of remembering (I read that in a magazine in high school, it suggested studying for exams by walking!).
I’m still listening to Sara and the wonderful group of creatives who join her on the podcast episodes. I’m still writing down what I now call my Hashtag Authentic buzz words. Because that is what they are – they give you a buzz and inspire you to create!
When her website is back up, I’ll post a link to the podcast and the podcast notes (which I thought was a clever way of making you come back to her website!). You can also download the podcast on iTunes.
Be prepared though, because you will be inspired into action – action that focuses on authentic engagement.
In early 2000, I went to VideoCity (a now non-existent [I think!] video rental business in the Philippines not unlike Blockbuster video) and rented out the the only Gwyneth Paltrow movie in the store that I hadn’t watched yet. I didn’t know what the movie was about…just that it had Gwyneth Paltrow in it and the sleeve was yellow (Yellow was a favourite colour at the time).
And so began my (and my sister’s) love affair with the movie Sliding Doors. We were obsessed. We watched it all the time. We had it on in the background whilst doing chores (even whilst vacuuming and washing the dishes – yes in a whole other room of the house!). It came to a point where we would say the lines of the movie and collapse in giggles for no apparent reason. I think we drove our brother crazy because we’d have the soundtrack on constant repeat.
I don’t think it helped our anglophilia, if anything, it made it worse!
And this is a major reason why I wanted to see the Albert Bridge…for the longest time! I wanted to see if the bridge was as beautiful as it looked in the movie. It wasn’t just for me. It was for my Duckie too. I was going to take a picture to send back.
Now I have. And boy, did that bridge look phenomenal!
I’ve always thought I was an extrovert. I always thought I was very social. But these days, I am finding that I like my own company (even with Alan constantly around, I do find that I cherish the moments when I am alone with just me, myself and I). I always say to people that I am a chatterbox (I always say that I know that Alan and I are so well-suited because he doesn’t talk as much and I pretty much talk enough for the both of us) and I find that I do like to have the occasional natter. I can be loud but I find that I can’t be loud for very long. I think Alan has rubbed off on me a lot. I find that I appreciate quiet as well. Companionable silence is also a good thing (and Alan and I have that a lot, which in itself is a comfort – I’ve read in an article that couples who appreciate their companionable silences and understand the wisdom of it are stronger…but that’s another blog entry probably).
Almost a month ago now, I went on my second Instagram meet with Alan. It was for the London Disclosure hub (@londondisclosure) and there was a walk around London photo spots planned. I was terribly excited about the meet because, as I wrote in my last blog entry I had arranged to meet the Filipinos that I followed on Instagram.
I was quite subdued when I wrote about our mini meet up. But it was quite momentous for me. I was slightly fangirling because I thought these people were very talented and I loved the photos they posted on Instagram. They all have considerably large followings on Instagram and I was just starting out on my photography journey. I was worried that reality wouldn’t be quite as nice as the online interaction. I kept telling myself to not build it up in my head and to try not to expect too much. The online world can be very different from real life interaction. I was also worried that Alan would feel very left out as he usually does when I meet with my family because the language of discussion is always mostly Filipino and he feels like the odd one out(which is probably why he doesn’t look forward to going out with my cousins – because everyone slips into Filipino).
With trepidation (and a heck of a lot of nervousness on my part) we walked into Somerset House so that we could meet the Filipinos before the actual meet up started. We’d all seen each other’s profile photos on Instagram so I felt that I would recognise them when they walked in. They also said they’d all be in black (I didn’t follow the uniform – but I did have a black cross-body bag and black sneakers!).
I saw them before they saw me (at least I think so), so I whispered to Alan that I’d seen them. Cheryl (who goes by the Instagram handle @chic.wanders.in), I think spotted me first because I saw her smile and wave. I waved back excitedly and then in a few minutes, we were inundated with a friendly wave of Filipino smiles. There was a flurry of introductions and they surprised me with a loot bag filled with Filipino sweets and snacks (it had Chocnut, a peanut-chocolate sweet, Yan-Yan, pretzel sticks that you dip in the accompanying chocolate spread, tamarind candy and Kopik0, which is a coffee flavoured candy) and a lovely Jose Rizal bust-shaped tag that Ellapot (my nickname for @barefootnomad who is a little firecracker of a creative person) made especially to mark the first ever Instagram meet for what would be what we all now call the #pinoylondongrammers group.
I had my mind blown about how small the world was when Jools (@jetaime.07) and I started talking about what our lives and jobs were in the Philippines. She worked with one of my friends from PSALM and before they worked together in a energy-related firm, we discovered that we had something in common because we both worked in the Philippine power sector. So I had my little six-degrees-of-separation moment, and it always makes me smile when I think that we weren’t actually separated by 6 degrees!
I hadn’t met Karla (@clickers.click) and Hazel (@hazel.parreno) before (and to be fair, I wasn’t following them on Instagram before we met) but it was really good to meet other Filipinos who shared my keen interest in photography. I had a cheeky look at Instagram after the meet and made sure I followed them (especially Karla because I think we all agreed to get her to a 100 followers and that if she did reach that number, she’d treat us all to a lechon – a whole roasted suckling pig! Yum!) immediately! I also missed meeting Vanessa (@lil_kim426) because she couldn’t stay for the LD meet but met the rest of the group at the lunch (we have yet to meet!).
I was quite starstruck when I met Teddy (who goes by @mutyyyaaa on Instagram and who I call Teddymeister) because I did love his photos on Instagram and he already had quite the following on Instagram already. I would always see his photos on the top lists of the London hubs that I followed.
It was a great meet up. Because everyone was as lovely as they seemed to be on Instagram. What I appreciated the most was that they tried to speak in English so that Alan would be included (they did say he was now an honorary Filipino). Of course we’d lapse into Filipino (hey, it’s instinctive!) but we’d all try to go back to English or I’d remember to translate so that Alan would understand what was going on. I am also glad that Alan liked them enough to verbalise that he thought they were a nice bunch of people. I put a lot of stock in Alan’s opinion because his opinion of the people I hang out with matters a lot.
My WhatsApp has never been more active and I’ve never had so many laugh out loud moments whilst reading my WhatsApp messages or my Instagram comments and chats. I actually feel like I’ve made friends. Friends who share my passion for photography and my love of London. Friends who I’d like to keep in touch with – not just acquaintances. It’s nice to know Filipinos who love being Filipino and are proud to be Filipino. I am so happy I’ve met a group of people who do not ascribe to the typical Filipino crab mentality that you see in a lot of groups of Filipinos who live overseas. I’m so happy that I’ve met a group of individuals who actually support each other and lift each other up. For the first time, in a very long time, I’ve actually met a group of people who I think I’d be willing to move for because I’d love to live closer to them so we can hang out properly. It doesn’t hurt that Alan enjoys my stories and takes interest in what we talk about in our WhatsApp group. He has now taken to asking me “what’s happening now?” He doesn’t ask me because he’s irritated about the amount of time I spend chatting to this lovely little group, he’s asking because (I think and hope!) that he is genuinely interested in what we’re all talking about.
I’m really happy we went on that London Disclosure meet. I know we would have probably met eventually. But that meet allowed me to meet kindred souls sooner rather than later. And because of that, I feel blessed.
After a lovely 4-day weekend, it’s time to go back to work. Funnily enough, I’ve not really felt the weekend blues as much. I think I needed the long break from work to gain perspective about things (that and to catch up on my ironing!). I’m not dreading the early wake up call to get ready for an hour-long commute on the lovely Greater Anglia trains to get to my desk.
I’m thankful for the break, thankful that I’ve had time to reflect about my faith, come to terms with it and what I have to do to continue to nurture it, how to reconnect with that side of my personality and how to accept that everything that happens to me is something that isn’t part of what MY plan is. My plans may or may not coincide with what God’s plans are for me. Short of singing “Jesus take the wheel” at the top of my lungs, I am easing myself into the idea of surrendering to a higher power. Because when I allow God to take control, it is His plan that I am following and not my own wilful heart.
I am thankful for the blessing that is Easter. I am thankful for the rest it affords my body. I am thankful for the rest it affords my brain (I wasn’t, at all, tempted to do anything work related – mind you, do and think about work are two different things!). I am thankful for the rest that it has afforded my spirit and the chance to be alone with my thoughts about God, my faith and the way my life should reflect my beliefs. I am thankful in the knowledge that I am an Easter person (because I am resurrected and I am renewed).
I am also thankful for the treats that have nourished my body (and to be honest, my spirit as well!). Have you found all your Easter eggs?
Easter brings a 4-day weekend with Bank Holiday Friday (aka Good Friday when I lived in Manila) and Easter Monday (which, thank you God, is also a bank holiday!). Easter also brings a lot of chocolate and it’s been a tradition at the firm that I work in for the shareholders of the firm to give us Easter eggs before the office closes for the long weekend. Easter also brings a time for me to rest. I’ve not been a 100% per cent for a while, so I am thankful for the statutory time off!
Easter was quite different for me when I lived in the Philippines. If you didn’t already know, the Philippines is a predominantly Christian country, where approximately 86% of the population are Roman Catholic (I belong to the 2% of the population, I think, who are protestant – I am a proud card-carrying Methodist!). So Easter is a big thing in the Philippines – almost as big as Christmas. But I think, whilst Christmas is a celebration of blessings (both spiritual and fiscal), Easter is more solemn…more devotional.
The country begins it’s slow down on Palm Sunday and all but shuts down in the afternoon of Holy Wednesday. The proceedings begin on Maundy Tuesday, the evening when the ritual of the Last Supper is celebrated and everyone goes into a collective retrospective, spiritually contemplative and prayerful mood. When I was younger, before the introduction of the mainstream cable TV subscription, local TV stations would cease their usual telecasts and it would only be “religious” films on TV (mostly about the last days of Christ, and Father Peyton TV specials). Children weren’t allowed to play and we were all told to be quiet when we did laugh out loud.
When I started participating in my local church activities, the weeks leading up to Easter Sunday were very busy. There were choir practices for the services that would be held for the evening of the Last Supper (Maundy Thursday evening) where we would have the ceremonial washing of the feet, the Last Supper and the service would end by the congregation stripping the altar of all its adornments in preparation for the afternoon service during Good Friday. On Good Friday, there is a service in church where the focus of reflection is Jesus’ seven last statements whilst he was crucified on the cross. I have been privileged to offer a reflection before. There is a lot of hymn singing and the whole week is prayerful.
On Easter Sunday, most of the Catholic population celebrate Christ’s resurrection in an early morning (usually at around 4 or 5AM) ritual called Salubong (sah-loo-bong). It is, most probably, the imagined reenactment of Jesus and Mary’s first meeting after Jesus has risen from the dead. I’ve always known the Methodists (and other protestant congregations) to have an ecumenical (all are welcome) Easter sunrise service that usually starts at 5AM. There is much singing and celebrating and then we all go back to our local churches to have our Easter Sunday services. There is more celebrating via a church lunch following the requisite Easter egg hunt for the children.
Fairview Park United Methodist Church – photo credit: Matt de Guzman
The season of Lent is slightly different for me these days. Since moving to the UK, because I’ve never really properly attached myself to a church, I don’t have the same Christian fellowship during these times. I don’t have a choir to practice songs with, or a service to attend, during most times. I know I should try to find a church, to regularly attend a Sunday service, to find Christian fellowship. I find that whilst Easter still means a lot to me, because it represents the day Christ offered Himself to die for my sins, the day I became free from the shackles of death, it has become less contemplative.
I find that the life I live is more socially secular and more personally spiritual. But I think that because of this lack of Christian fellowship, something is missing in my life. I miss talking to people about my faith. I miss sharing how little things in my life represent God’s goodness. I miss talking about the instantness of God’s answers to my prayers. I miss talking about how blessed I am to have certain people in my life because they represent God’s unconditional and illimitable love for me. I miss talking about how amazing it is when I see God’s hand in the turn of events in my life.
While I lament the lack of opportunity to shout my faith from the mountaintops, I am also thankful for this personal stillness in my life. I am reminded of the time when, in church, our youth group decided to focus on the internal spiritual growth of the church youth. We decided that we needed to establish our fellowship first, before reaching out to other churches. Because we felt the need for the bonds to be strengthened internally first before we reached out. I think my move to the UK symbolised that as well. Because after years of serving in church, after years of sharing myself, I needed to look inwardly and reassess my faith. I needed to tend to my own relationship with my God and my Saviour Jesus Christ. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never felt removed from God, there wasn’t a sense that I wasn’t connected to God. It was just I was letting Him do all the carrying (I don’t think He minded, but I know He would have loved it if I reached out to Him and carried my end of the yoke). It is a relationship I have with my God.
I mean, ultimately, it is a commensalist relationship we have with our God. Because whilst God can be without me (I am thankful that God loves me, and that this has never been a factor in His great plans for me), I am completely nothing without Him. I benefit because I am with Him. I am blessed because I am with Him. Life would be a lot less if I existed without Him.
But I want to continue building my relationship with my God. I stopped for a while. I focused on myself but wanting to establish myself without His guidance is an exercise in futility. Having my own way is what He has given us, we are free to make our own choices. But ultimately, if we are not guided by Him and if we do not surrender to His will, we might as well walk our life journeys in circles. When you do not have your internal compass you won’t get to where you need to go.
God has been waiting for me to properly come back, to pay attention to my relationship with Him. He has been a constant presence in my life, in the people He has put in my life to remind me that I’ve not been walking the walk. I am truly thankful that we have these Christian rituals during the year. Because they serve as good reminders – of God’s love for us, and our responsibilities to Him.
I have always wanted to write more about my faith and my feelings. Because if you can’t be yourself and say what you want on your blog, where else can you (provided that what you post isn’t illegal or offensive to other people’s civil liberties – I’d like to say it’s exercising responsible freedom of speech!) be?
I saw a comment on one of my old blogs, talking about how a prayer that I posted about concentration at work helped them (they were looking for a prayer for concentration and apparently my prayer was easily modified for purpose).
I thought I’d share it with y’all because I know that it was something I came across as well and that I modified according to what I needed. I’m hoping that it helps someone who comes across this blog post too! In this world of instants, there are so many distractions. Sometimes it helps to just close one’s eyes and focus and draw into oneself and centre oneself by praying.
I hope this helps!
Dear Father,
I draw near You to seek Your help. I have the assurance that You love me so very much. Lord, the Scripture says that You love the prosperity of Your children. You know the importance of being able to concentrate at work. Father, bless me with Your guidance and let me work on my things to do list properly. Lord, I confess that I get distracted easily; I have more interest in less important things instead of what is urgent in my in-tray.
Please forgive me and gird me with You grace (I love the word gird Lord, because it makes me feel like I am going to battle, and oh I do love a battle! See Lord, I am digressing, yet again!) and strength so that I concentrate in my work. Without Your help I cannot achieve any success Lord!
Please help me to overcome all my weaknesses and strengthen my mind. Take full control of my wandering thoughts and give me Your wisdom and knowledge. Let me shine at work, Heavenly Father and let me be a blessing to to everyone. I lift all this up in Jesus’ name.
How many times have I taken a blogging sabbatical? It happens all the time. I allow the real world and work to take control of my life and the things that make me happy take a back seat.
Well, if I intend to be the boss of me eventually, if I intend to be responsible for my own time, then I need to take control of things don’t I? Besides, whilst paying for my own domain name isn’t exactly breaking the bank (thank you WordPress for making this financially accessible! You guys absolutely rock!), there must be some sort of return of investment!
So I am back in the land of the blogging!
Watch this space…again!
Oh and PS, thanks for sticking with me! Mucho appreciated!❤️
I’m trying to avoid filling this particular blog post with clichés. Because I’ve always tried to treat people with kindness. But, sometimes, following the Golden Rule is a lonely path. Because not everyone shares or understands your journey (if you do follow the Golden Rule, that is). In these modern times, most people are selfish and they are out to look out for only themselves, because in this day and age, everyone jockeys for position, wanting to be first, wanting to be in pole position.
Sadly, I’ve come to the conclusion that treating everyone with kindness is not always the right thing to do. Because some people don’t deserve the kindness. Some people will take what’s freely offered without thought of giving back.
But that’s okay. Things have a way of coming back. Karma is a lovely equaliser. I see the wisdom of burning bridges. There was a reason why people built moats around their castles!
