I’ve not been feeling the urge to write. So I’m thankful for the ability to take photos. It allows me to put in content in other ways. I think the writing muses are letting me adjust to the massive change in my life. I don’t think I’m in the right grief stage. I’m waiting for the despondency to hit me…right when I’m vulnerable and not expecting it.
My feelings are still spaghetti-in-bowl tangled and I think I need to sort things out in my head first so that it makes sense to me.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone is listening…if anyone actually reads my posts or if they’re just looking at the pictures. I’d like to think I have interesting things to say. But sometimes when people don’t write comments or react to your posts, it’s hard to gauge whether the content you put out is relevant.
I like writing as much as the next blogger and I like to think that they way I express my opinions can be entertaining. But when you are met with radio silence, visions of tumbleweeds rolling in the dust fill my mind. I’m constantly asking myself if I’m actually reaching someone.
One voice in my head says, “Yeah well, you don’t blog often enough for people to pay attention!” This is true. Everyone says that for your content to have traction, in this oversaturated social media environment, you have to post not just meaningful content, but you have to post regularly. Even though I know this, a small part of me thinks that somehow I’m reaching someone.
And then days like Saturday happen:
Thank you so much! You made my day! You know who you are.
I know that my chilli belly pork recipe is, by far and away, the most active of all my posts but I rarely hear from people who actually try the recipe. To be thanked for sharing a recipe that I actually tested several times before I posted it on my blog means the world. It’s actually galvanised me into action. It is the elixir vitae to my inertia! I am hoping this sustains my writing drive. I’m glad to know that my virtual “Yooohooo! Anyone out there?” was heard and someone, sight unseen, has replied “Yep! I hear you!”.
Please leave your comments! My “I’d love to hear from you!” pronouncements are genuine. I really would like to hear from the people who read my blog. Besides, if you’re someone I’d rather not hear from, you’d know it!
Yes I am writing again. And no, I didn’t go on a writing sabbatical (as is my perennial excuse for being a lazy so and so).
I just haven’t been visited by the writing muses lately and real life adulting has been keeping me busy and most days absolutely shattered. By the time I get home, I’m more than ready to go to bed. But of course, there’s still dinner to be made and eaten and dishes to be washed. Some days, I really would just like to get in, lock the door behind me, take of my shoes, put down my bag, take a shower and go to bed. I’ve neglected all forms of creative pursuits – writing, crocheting, sewing. All my creative endeavours have been put on an extended pause until I find the motivation to start working with my hands again.
I’ve been feeling very down in the dumps lately. Maybe it’s the hay fever, but I feel like I have this blanket of general dissatisfaction about everything weighing me down. I try to busy myself and just keep my head down and just keep chugging along, ticking off one task after the other. If I keep myself busy, I stop noticing the little things that make me grind my teeth in annoyance. I try to smile through everything, be kind, be helpful, be pleasant and biddable, because that’s what’s expected (and I know that it’s not good for my mental health, all this tamping down of feelings). But there are days when I just want to shout in frustration and demand that people take care of me for a change. I keep wondering whether people would notice if I disappeared. I know…dark thoughts. I’m probably just feeling a bit neglected, taken for granted and a little invisible.
I do, however, want to write more. I have a hashtag that I use a lot on my Instagram stories (please follow me — I’m @yellywelly on Instagram and Twitter) – #girlonthetrainfeels. Yes, very, very inspired by Paula Hawkins’ book The Girl On The Train, which I loved and read several times over. Because, I am, for all intents and purposes a girl on the train. I commute to work on a train. I’ve been asked by people to write about my train journeys because my Instagram stories make them laugh.
I need to get writing. What I’m afraid if is that people will think I’m mean. Because I make up names for the people that get on the same train as me – the regulars. I also wonder about them, and have observations. I don’t think I’m being mean-spirited. It’s just a bit of fun on the train whilst I’m waiting for the train to roll onto my platform so I can get off and go to work.
I wonder if people will be interested in reading my stories and musings….
I’ve been off sick for a couple of days now. Feeling really unwell and generally blecchy. I think it’s what my mum used to call general malaise in the sick notes that she used to write for me.
The weather has turned and it’s Friday evening so the weekend is upon us. I’m glad for it. But I’m finding that I can’t get excited about the weekend. I’m sure there’s something to be excited about, I just don’t know what t is.
I think it’s okay. I think it’s okay to not be okay.
Like muscles, writing muscles must be exercised as well. And like me and gym memberships gone by, I’ve let my writing muscles waste away.
To be completely honest, real life has been quite full on and being creative, at the end of a busy, stressful day, took a back burner. I’ve had a few things to work on (relationships, mental health issues – another blog entry completely, self-development, train delays, yadda, yadda, yadda). Yes, yes! They are excuses.
So I thought I’d write. Something. Just to exercise the writing muscles…ease myself into the writing storm that I would like to enter the scene.
I’ve been reading a lot of books (both fiction and non-fiction!), taking online classes (more on these later!), and I’ve been filling my head with all sorts of ideas. All this in between taking photos and learning how to use my lovely little Olympus EPL-7 properly (yes, still! I am constantly discovering the little tricks this lovely camera can do all with a twist of a knob and a click of a button)and my smart little dynamo GoPro, and working, FULL TIME.
Oh I spent a few days in Lovely London! But that is, also, another blog entry! Ha! Yay me with all these writing projects (I have high hopes that they will actually get done!).
So let’s call this my excuse for a catching up entry.
What’s been going on in your life? Yes, let’s start a conversation.
I’m trying something different in the hope that I can emerge from this writing inertia. I’ve always written my Instagram posts around a literary quote that fits my mood. I’m hoping it helps lift this dark cloud over my writing muses.
It’s also very possible that life has become busier than ever.
But if I want to allow my creativity to flow, I need to make time for it!
“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” ― Ansel Adams
I haven’t really written anything lately. I went to Edinburgh and I’ve come back with loads of amazing photos, and yet I’ve not done anything with them. I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts lately. I’m not feeling a connection with my writing. I’ve been struggling creatively and I feel like I need a massive kick up the backside to get me out of this non-writing loop!
I took this picture on a whim. It was taken at a weird angle and no matter how much I straighten the photo, it would not look “normal”.
I haven’t really been blogging a lot lately. I’ve been focusing on learning how to take pictures. Actually, no, that’s not entirely true. I have been taking pictures, but not entirely “learning.” It’s only quite recently that I’ve started seeing something promising in the snapshots I’m taking. I’ve got a lot to learn and I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.
I’ve also let the blogging and the writing slide. I haven’t really, properly, written anything in weeks. I have these writing projects floating about in my head but that’s where they currently live – in my head. I keep saying to myself, yep, I’m going to write…soon. But I’ve been procrastinating and now I’m looking at the blog and thinking, “Really? Is that all I have to offer?” I know I can write but I haven’t, properly, exercised my writing muscles in a very long time.
I really think it’s time I harnessed what talent I have.
This piano represents my what I’m afraid will happen to my ability to string my thoughts together. I played the piano beautifully once upon a time. Now I can’t even remember if I can play Für Elise or Edelweiss anymore! I don’t want to suddenly not be able to write down how I feel. It’s a scary thought. So I think I must think about how I want to rekindle my interest in writing. I need to reconnect with the creative in me!
I would love to write something witty or something smart or useful or write up a recipe for something yummy today. But I’m coming up with a blank. I am driven to type because I feel the need to write…something. But I know that none of the words I actually type can be threaded together into something life-changingly brilliant. So this post is all about the nothingness that I feel compelled to share with you.
It’s a Thursday and…well, it’s nearly the weekend. I am on my couch watching Pointless and wishing I had bought myself a lottery ticket for tomorrow’s roll over. Maybe I will.
Tomorrow is Friday and tomorrow is market day. Maybe I’ll find something to write about tomorrow!
Oh, did you know that today is National Coffee Day…somewhere in the world?