Jun 2025 – Yellywelly

“It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.” – John Sinor

One of my favourite memories of my Abba was when we went on a “date” to SM Cubao when I was six years old. We went there so that he could buy me “big girl shoes”. They were basically shoes without straps and buckles. I think, in hindsight, that started my lifelong love affair with ballet flats — but that’s another story! It was a wonderful day. We got my shoes, my Abba taught me how to fit shoes (and to insist on it) so I could buy the right sized ones, we went to Shakey’s to get pizza, rootbeer and a milkshake (making sure to wash everything down with room temperature water so I wouldn’t get tonsilitis).

I am thankful I have memories of dates with my father. Even when I miss him terribly when I recall them, I am thankful for all the memories. It’s not that he bought me things (although I remember loving those shoes!), it was that we spent time together, that he made time for just us. I know both my siblings have solo date memories with our beloved Abbadabbadoo that they hold dear. The gift of time and presence is so precious. I am so very blessed that our Abba gave us that.

I know not everyone celebrates Father’s Day, for a multitude of reasons. But, if you are able to do so, if that is the kind of relationship you have with your father, hug him especially tight today. You don’t know how much time you have left with him to store up those memories.

So I watched The Life List on Netflix again, and, of course, I bawled like a baby! I promise no spoilers, especially if you haven’t seen it. It’s the kind of girly romance movie that presents an idealized, pre-packaged view of love and romantic relationships. I’m not a cynic, not by a long shot (I’ve read too many Julia Quinn novels several times over to be jaded), to be cynical about love, even after the implosion of a relationship that I thought would last forever. I do sometimes smirk at the sugar coma sweetness of the Hallmark Channel formula movies. But the “true love test” in the movie had me thinking. In the film, it said that if you could answer yes to each of the 4 questions below, it was TRUE LOVE.

1 Are they kind?

2 Can you tell them everything that’s in your heart?

3 Do they help you become the best version of yourself?

4 Can you imagine them as the father/mother of your children?

The questions make me smile. Because I can hear myself saying to someone at 25, “Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a decision.” and seeing their look of confusion (in hindsight, that should’ve been a red flag, but I ignored it) and me patiently explaining what I meant.

Love is a decision. It’s a commitment. Because you decide, for better or for worse (whether it involves the permanency of marriage or not), to love this person, in the good and bad days, when tempers flare and patience wanes, when the sickness is disgusting, when the ick is hard to shift and when disagreements happen. It’s a commitment to stay and work things out, even when things get tough, damnedly uncomfortable and when they don’t particularly look rosy. It’s a promise to stay. It’s a vow to work on improving, changing for the better, and growing together. It’s saying “I got you” to this person and really having them, making sure they know you have them. It’s a pledge to stay accountable to this person. It is an unwritten but very binding contract to work through the warts, farts and smarts that come with adult relationships.

Being loved is an intrinsic need because it encapsulates affection, respect, acceptance, protection, and accountability. Every person has a deep-seated need for it, whether they care to admit it. Love isn’t easy but if you have it, wouldn’t you want to hold on to it, nurture it and cultivate it?