Yelly Writes

It’s a bank holiday!

@yellywelly on Instagram

I’m not quite sure who else has “bank holidays” in the world. I certainly didn’t know about bank holidays until I moved to the UK. As far as I was concerned, when I read the phrase in books I was reading, it was just that, a bank holiday, a day when the bank is closed. In the UK, it’s not quite as straightforward. Yes, it’s a day when banks are closed and yes, it’s a public holiday as well.

Sir John Lubbock drafted a piece of legislation which became known as the Bank Holiday Bill as it passed through the UK Parliament. The bill proposed for banks to be closed on certain days. Banks would be closed to the public and consumers and no financial transactions were allowed on these days. Initially it was just banks and financial institutions that would close. That’s as far as I remember. I can’t remember when they included public holidays (of which there are usually 8 in total, in the UK). I think there’s more information on this in the Life In the UK Test reviewer books (it’s a test that you need to pass if you want to qualify to live in the UK permanently or become a British citizen). But I took my Life In the UK test (and passed) in 2010 and I don’t remember most of the things I faithfully reviewed then!

I don’t necessarily have any plans for the bank holiday but I find that I want to go out out! But at the same time, I feel all peopled out this week and just the idea of getting up, getting ready and pasting a smile on my face and being sociable is exhausting me! It makes me want to hide under the duvet!

It is actually the last bank holiday until Christmas and I kind of feel like I have to do something…although strictly speaking, I don’t think Christmas day is a bank holiday…?

Sometimes I think all this working-from-home flexibility is bad for my socialising skills. I probably need to flex my socialising muscles more but sometimes it feels like so much hard work. I’d much rather stay in bed and read a book (or five) or binge-watch a TV series. Or catch up with friends and family, either in the Philippines or somewhere else in the world. Although it’s not to say I’m not up to seeing friends…just certain friends…! Yeah I’ll stop talking about that as it does make me sound like a horrible grinch of a person.

Then there is that minefield of sharing the same language game as the people you have to talk to. I tend to have two conversations going on: the one where I say socially accepted things out loud and contribute to the conversation, and the one in my head where I say things like “Oh my gawd! Really? You actually said that out loud?” or my favourite “Yeah, you know EVERYTHING!” It also helps if I look away as I do tend to roll my eyes or raise an eyebrow. I also tend to bite my tongue a lot to keep myself from letting the internal conversations come out in a torrent of verbal diarrhoea because then I will pretty much become the social pariah that I am also afraid of becoming. I tend to have a very caustic tongue if I let myself actually say the things I want to say. I’ve learned to my detriment that my editorial button needs to be activated all the time. The world isn’t necessarily ready for the pure version of Yelly sarcasm or forthrightness.

So, what are your plans for the bank holiday weekend, then?

Yelly Writes

I do

They are about to say ‘I do’,
three little letters, two little words.
Its the simplest part of the day;
but there is nothing simple about the things that will remain unsaid.
‘I do’ means I do know I could be hurt,
but I am ready to be healed with you.
It means I do want to try,
even when the fear of failure holds me back.
And I do not know the future,
but I am ready to be surprised along the way.
‘I do’ means I do want your love & I do give you mine.
And nothing we do will ever be the same,
because we will be doing it all together.

This was a reading from the wedding scene in the Season 3 finale of The Good Witch, which I am currently working through on Netflix, and of course, you guessed it, I was bawling my eyes out. Partly because they were beautiful words, and mostly because, well, it was a wedding. Everyone cries at weddings. I cry at everything, so of course, I would cry at this.

But these words resonated because half a lifetime ago, I promised someone that I would love them, always and forever, in the best way that I could. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t without its frailties and vulnerabilities. But I gave what I could give, and sometimes, even more than what I could, despite the personal deficit. I tried my best, but I guess, as that oldie-but-goodie James Ingram song goes, I guess my best wasn’t good enough.

But I also know that whilst my always and forever means an unconditional always and forever, forsaking all other and does not have an expiration date, saturation point or limit, it does not apply that the person I made the promise to will be able to love as willingly or as completely as I do. Unfortunately for me, that one person, no matter what, will always have my I do. I also know that my I do (no matter how complete and unconditional) is no longer wanted. I accept that. It is a painfully hard pill to swallow, but there you go.

So now, I am learning to say I do to myself – because I do know I could be hurt, but I do want to try; I know that I am afraid, but I know I shouldn’t allow fear to hold me back; I do know that the future holds surprises.

Yelly Writes

Speaking butterflies

@yellywelly on Instagram

You can’t talk butterfly language to caterpillar people. – Unknown

I saw that quote today on Instagram and it resonated. I thought it was the perfect caption to the photo I took whilst walking down Bricklane on Saturday.

I’ve seen the work of this artist before, on another wall on Bricklane. This was newly installed when I saw it though because the paper that the butterflies were cut out from still littered on the pavement, still crisp and still pristine. You’ve got to love how ever-changing the street art in Bricklane is. It’s always evolving, always moving forward, never standing still. There’s definitely something to learn there, don’t you think?

I’d booked tickets to the Klimt experience for an earlier date in July. But since I couldn’t go for the reason I’d originally booked the tickets for, the organisers of the exhibition allowed me to use the amount of money I paid for the tickets to use it on another date. So I went. On my own.

It felt strangely new doing things on my own. Like I didn’t know how to be. But it was nice too. Because I was doing something on my own. It was strangely empowering.

Of course, what I didn’t mention was that before I even got to the exhibition, I tripped on the uneven pavement and grazed my right elbow, further injuring my already poorly right shoulder (it was an old rotator cuff injury that has reared its ugly head, but that’s another story!). But I took care of myself. I cleaned up my wound, found a large enough bandaid to cover the double graze (how I managed to graze my elbow in two different places, I will never know!) and went on the exhibition…even though to be completely honest, I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed and feel sorry for my clumsy, klutzy self.

I guess, sometimes, when you’re on your own, you just have to choose to be brave and move forward.